Seagull Declares Chip Shop a Protected Site

A herring gull has unilaterally declared the pavement outside a chip shop on the seafront a protected site, citing continuous occupation by its family since at least 2014 and what it called an unbroken tradition of arrival at the exact moment of the first chip.

The designation covers the pavement, the low wall, the bin nearest the door, and a corridor of air above the doorway which the gull describes as historically significant. Under the terms announced, all food carried out of the premises remains, in principle, available for inspection.

The chip shop was not consulted and has responded by putting up a sign that says PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE GULLS, which the gull has entered into the record as an acknowledgement that the gulls are there. A second gull, standing on the same wall, declined to comment but did not leave, which under the new arrangements counts as a seconding.

Enforcement is described as vigorous. Visitors are advised that the protected status applies from the moment the paper is opened, that hunching over the parcel is recognised but not respected, and that the gull is aware you have to walk to the car eventually.