Fiction Useless Inventions
The Queue Chooser That Always Finds the Slowest Checkout
A clever little gadget clips onto your shopping trolley and guides you, with total confidence, to the one queue in the shop that is about to stop moving.
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Fiction Useless Inventions
The Photo Frame That Refuses to Pick a Favourite
A beautiful walnut frame that will not choose between the sixty-three nearly identical sunsets on your phone, so it shows you every single one of them, for ever.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Raccoon Insists the Dunking Is Quality Control, Not Laundry
Every scrap of bread, three grapes and one entire boiled potato went into the stream before being eaten, and the raccoon responsible would like it recorded as inspection rather than laundry.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Remote Control That Hides Itself
A television remote with rubber tracks and a clock inside, which drives itself into the gap between the sofa cushions every night at eleven, because that is where it feels safest.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Magpie Denies Interest in Shiny Things, Calls It an Old Rumour
A statement delivered at length from a fence post asks the public to stop leaving teaspoons out, and requests one very specific kind of bendy twig instead.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Fridge Light That Never Goes Off
A refrigerator that keeps its bulb burning day and night, so that nobody ever has to wonder again what happens in there once the door swings shut.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Hummingbird Declares Garden Feeder His Personal Property
A hummingbird the weight of a coin has claimed exclusive rights to a sugar-water feeder with four perfectly good drinking holes, and spends most of his day making sure nobody else uses any of them.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Starlings Deny Rehearsing Evening Sky Show, Say It Just Happens
Tens of thousands of starlings swirled over the reed beds at dusk in shapes so perfect that onlookers demanded to know who was in charge, and the starlings insist nobody is.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Pufferfish Unveils Seabed Sculpture, Declines to Explain Its Meaning
After a week of round-the-clock work, a small pufferfish has completed a perfectly symmetrical sand circle the width of a double bed and has refused all requests for an interview.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Ibex Insist Dam Wall Is a Perfectly Normal Place for a Snack
A herd of ibex was seen standing on a near-vertical stone dam high in the mountains on Thursday, licking the wall, and a spokesgoat has asked everyone to calm down.