Duck Files Noise Complaint Against Fountain

A mallard resident on the ornamental pond in Blackthorn Park has lodged a formal complaint regarding the fountain installed at its centre in April, describing the noise as constant, unnecessary, and, in the duck's words, water pretending to be busy.

The fountain runs from seven in the morning until dusk. The duck, who has held the north bank since March, said the installation was arranged without consultation, and that at no stage was any resident bird asked whether the pond required additional water, given that the pond is already water.

Parks staff declined to comment. A spokesbird for the three coots at the far end stated that they held no view on the matter, then swam away at considerable speed, which observers took to be a view.

The complaint requests that the fountain be switched off between two and four in the afternoon. Pressed on the significance of that hour, the duck said only that some of us are trying to sleep, and that the pond had for years been entirely adequate at making its own noise, which was none.