Fiction Useless Inventions
The Queue Chooser That Always Finds the Slowest Checkout
A clever little gadget clips onto your shopping trolley and guides you, with total confidence, to the one queue in the shop that is about to stop moving.
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patience
Everything filed under patience.
Articles
Fiction Tiny Stories
The Chess Game That Took Eleven Months and Two Strangers
On a stone table in the corner of the park, two people who have never met keep one game going, a single move at a time, whenever either of them happens to pass.
Fiction Tiny Stories
The Man Who Swept the Empty Lido
The outdoor pool on Harbour Road closes every October, and every winter morning since, one retired swimmer has let himself in to sweep it for a summer that is months away.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Jigsaw That Comes With a Piece Already Missing
A handsome 1,000-piece puzzle that saves you years of suspense by leaving one piece out at the factory, so you know from the very start that you will never finish it.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Very Patient Parking Sensor
A calm, non-judgemental parking sensor that never distracts you with nervous beeping while you reverse, and waits politely until after you have touched the wall to mention it.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Sheep Issue Statement on Being Counted
The flock has confirmed it is aware of the practice, considers the figures broadly accurate, and would like the jumping to stop.
Fiction Made-Up Words
Pressumption
(n.) The firm private belief that pressing the lift button a second time makes the lift arrive sooner.
Fiction Made-Up Words
Aislefret
(n.) The anxiety of choosing a supermarket queue, immediately followed by the certainty that you have chosen wrong.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Snail Completes Six-Metre Crossing, Declines to Comment
Four days, one flagstone path, sixteen hours under a leaf — and at the finish the snail had nothing to say to the assembled woodlice.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Heron Issues Statement Regarding the Six Hours
The bird stood in eleven centimetres of water from dawn until early afternoon and wishes to make clear that this was, at all times, work.