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Bees Vote to Keep the Hive Exactly as Warm as It Was

After a full day of consultation involving every worker in the colony, the hive has resolved to maintain thirty-five degrees, as it has every year since the hive existed.

A colony of honeybees has concluded its annual review of internal hive temperature and resolved, unanimously, to keep it at thirty-five degrees, the same figure adopted at every review on record.

The consultation was extensive. Workers on the outer comb argued the case for warmth by shivering their flight muscles; workers near the entrance made the opposing case by fanning their wings; the process ran continuously, without a chair, and produced a settled result accurate to within half a degree. No vote was counted because no vote was held. The colony describes the method as everybody doing the obvious thing until the obvious thing stops being necessary.

A small delegation of bees was observed advocating thirty-six. They were not overruled so much as gradually out-fanned, and have since rejoined the majority without comment.

The decision has been welcomed by the brood, who are unable to survive at any other temperature and who were not consulted, on the grounds that their position was already extremely well understood. The review will be conducted again tomorrow, and the day after, and every day thereafter, which the colony regards not as bureaucracy but as the entire job.

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