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The Tortoise Who Outlasted Three Sofas

He arrived in 1974 as a present for a nine-year-old boy, and has since watched the living room around him be redecorated four times without appearing to notice.

An older man sits in an armchair by the fire with a tortoise on his lap, sofas from past decades pictured above him.

The tortoise arrived in 1974, in a cardboard box with holes punched in the lid, as a birthday present for a nine-year-old boy who had asked for a bicycle. The boy was disappointed for about an hour. The tortoise, who was named Gordon on the spot, was not disappointed at all. He walked slowly out of the box, inspected the edge of the carpet, and has been living in the same house, at the same unhurried pace, ever since.

He has outlasted three sofas. The brown one, which he is said to have preferred, went in 1986. The pale cream one, which nobody was allowed to sit on, lasted until 2003. The current one is grey, and he treats it with exactly the same indifference he showed the others. Every morning he walks along the front of it at the same steady speed, from one end to the other, as if checking that the room is still the correct length.

He has also outlasted two carpets, a dog, four televisions, three family cars and an entire conservatory, which was built especially for him and which he politely declined to use. The only thing in the living room older than Gordon is the fireplace, and on winter afternoons he has been seen sitting in front of it for hours at a time, in what the family has decided is a mark of professional respect between two long-serving fixtures.

The nine-year-old boy is now a retired man with grey hair, and he still lives in the house. On cold evenings he sits in the armchair by the fire with Gordon on his lap, and the pair of them look, according to his grandchildren, like two people who have known each other for fifty years, which they have. He says the strangest thing is not that Gordon is still here. It is that he moves at precisely the speed he always did, and in all that time has never once hurried.

The story is invented, but it rests on something that surprises many new pet owners. Tortoises are famous for their long lives, and a tortoise bought for a child can easily still be around when that child is grown up. That is why people who take one on are often told to think about the long term, sometimes even about who might look after it one day. A tortoise can be a family member who quietly spans generations, outliving furniture, fashions and several changes of wallpaper.

So if you ever meet an old tortoise plodding across a living-room carpet, show a little respect. You may be in the presence of the most experienced resident in the house, one who has watched decades go by without feeling any need to rush. There is something reassuring about that steady pace. Sofas come and go, televisions get bigger and thinner, and through it all, somewhere near the fireplace, a very old friend keeps walking, exactly as slowly as ever.

This is fiction. This piece was invented for entertainment and is not a factual report. Any "facts," "people," "events," or "studies" mentioned have been imagined. More →

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