Fiction Useless Inventions
The Weather Doormat
A handsome coir mat with a small display in the corner, which tells you, as you come in, exactly what the weather was doing an hour ago.
Fiction — invented for fun
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Useless Inventions
Patent-pending solutions to problems no one has.
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Fiction Useless Inventions
The Recital Toaster
A toaster that marks the completion of your toast with a short brass fanfare, played approximately three minutes after the toast is done.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Loyal Trolley
A shopping trolley engineered, at considerable expense, to turn only left, on the grounds that a trolley which can go anywhere encourages a shopper who has thought about nothing.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Doorbell That Knocks
A small brass fist mounted on the inside of your front door, which knocks politely whenever a visitor presses the button outside.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Slow Torch
A handsome aluminium torch whose beam arrives about three seconds after you point it, so you are always shown where you were looking rather than where you are looking.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Indoor Sundial
A properly engineered brass sundial for the living room, sold with its own small torch, because a sundial indoors has to get its sunlight from somewhere.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Rewinding Bookmark
A silk bookmark that creeps three pages backwards every night, on the grounds that you were not really paying attention the first time.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Findable Keyring
A keyring that beeps, flashes and vibrates so you can locate it, and does all three only while it is already in your hand.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Almost-Done Progress Bar
A polished brass desk object with one glowing bar that has sat at 97 percent since the day it was made, connected to nothing and finishing nothing.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Second-Opinion Mirror
A full-length mirror that waits until you have walked away, then offers a short, studiously non-committal opinion on your outfit.